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What’s weird is when you have a break up like that, it’s not just the past that disappears, it’s the future, too. I never obsessively plotted out, “OK, we’ll have 2.5 kids, and then we’ll get a golden retriever and you’ll be a lawyer and I’ll join the Rotary and we’ll ski in Vermont for [...] Oh, that’s a little sad. That’s one of those times when you are desperately searching for something good to remember so you don’t have to feel like you really just threw away several years of your life. Maybe there was some good in there, once. What happened to it? You need a crush and a restraining order imposed on you by fate. Pine away until you get your head on straight. Isn’t that the shit of it? Not losing trust in the other person, but having to completely reassess your own judgement and second guess everything you said or did. It was at this point that several guys I knew started to think I was writing about him. We live in narcissistic times. I was seriously grateful. Seriously pissed, but seriously grateful. |
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